The Ministry of Presence: You Don’t Have to "Fix It “Show Up

Hey friend,

Let’s be honest, grief is awkward.

Not for the person feeling it (they’re too busy surviving it). But for the rest of us? The ones standing there, heart aching, wanting to say anything that will make it better?

Yeah. We've all been there.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into a room—whether as a pastor, a friend, or just a fellow human—and thought, "Okay, Erin... don’t mess this up. Say something wise. Comforting. Biblical, maybe." Then... nothing. My brain goes blank, my heart pounds, and all the “right words” I thought I had? Gone. Here’s the beautiful, freeing thing I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way): You don’t need to have the right words. You need to be there.

That’s it. Really.

It’s called the Ministry of Presence, but don’t let that fancy phrase scare you off. It’s not reserved for pastors or chaplains in stiff collars. It’s for anyone who’s ever thought, "I wish I could do something... but I don’t know what." Guess what? Being there is “something."

When There Are No Words... Good.

We live in a world that hates silence. Awkward pauses? We rush to fill them. But grief doesn’t need noise. It doesn’t need silver linings or well-meaning clichés (please, for the love of all things holy, don’t say “everything happens for a reason”). Grief needs space. Someone can be willing to sit in that space without trying to redecorate it.
 
Let me tell you—some of the most powerful moments I’ve had with grieving families were when I said absolutely nothing—just sat beside them, held a hand, passed a tissue box without a word. Let them cry, talk, or stare at the wall if needed. It feels small. But to someone whose world has shattered? That quiet presence feels like a lifeline.

So, How Do You "Be There" Without Feeling Useless? I get it—you want a checklist. Something to do. So, here’s your friendly, no-pressure guide to showing up well: Just... Show Up. Don’t overthink it. Don’t wait until you’ve crafted the perfect text or baked the ideal casserole. (Though casseroles are always welcome.)

​A simple “I’m here” goes a long way. Sometimes I’ve said: "I don’t have words, but I didn’t want you to be alone." And you know what? People breathe easier when they hear that.
 
Zip It (Unless They Open the Door). If they talk, listen. If they cry, pass the tissues. If they say nothing... match that energy. You’re not there to host a talk show. Think of yourself as a weighted blanket for soul comforting by presence alone.
 
Don’t Try to Fix the Unfixable. Grief isn’t a leaky faucet or a Wi-Fi issue. It can’t be solved. So, permit yourself to stop looking for solutions. Your job isn’t to make it better—to make sure they don’t feel alone in the "worse."
 
Offer Help That Doesn’t Require Brainpower. “Let me know if you need anything” sounds nice, but a grieving person doesn’t have the energy to figure out what to ask for. Instead, try: "I’m headed to the store—can I grab you anything?" "I’ve got Tuesday free—can I come by and do some dishes or laundry?"
Or even: "I’m dropping off coffee tomorrow morning. I’ll leave it on the porch if you’re not up to talking." Trust me, these small things feel huge.
 
Stick Around (Even After Everyone Else Moves On)- Grief doesn’t follow a schedule. It lingers long after the casseroles stop coming. So, check in weeks—or months—later.

 You’re Enough, Just as You Are
If you’re still thinking,
"But I should be doing more..."
Let me gently stop you right there.
 
So, remember this little chat next time you’re standing at the doorstep of someone’s grief, and you feel that panic rising. Take a deep breath, walk in (or send that text), and know: You don’t have to bring magic words. Just bring you.
 
Let’s Keep Walking This Road Together
If this resonated with you, if you’ve ever felt the weight of wanting to help but not knowing how—I hope you’ll stick around.
 
I’m starting a series on grief, faith, and how we show up for each other when life gets hard. No sugar-coating. No spiritual clichés. Just real talk, hope, and a little humor to get us through.
 
Subscribe or pop back next week when we tackle:
“What Not to Say to Someone Who’s Grieving (And What to Say Instead)”
Spoiler: It’s easier than you think.
 
Until then, friend--
Be kind to yourself. And remember, a presence is a gift. Keep offering it.

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